Welcome!

iPhone Authors: Bob Gourley, Shelly Palmer, Kevin Benedict

Blog Feed Post

On Why Turkey is the Worst

Thanksgiving Turkey

Note: This has nothing, in anyway shape or form, to do with Cloud Hosting, Tech or Solar VPS. Thanksgiving is two days away. This is for the turkey lovers out there.

Someone has to say it. Thanksgiving Turkey is awful. There is no beating around the bush here: Thanksgiving Turkey is awful. No one should have to eat it.. Before you get your undies in a bunch and tell us that we have no idea what we are talking about, let us explain why turkey is, without question, the worst American holiday meal.

1. Like Eating a Box of Sand

Sand is dry. Turkey has it beat. Eating turkey is like delving headfirst into a pile of sand. It’s dry. It’s somewhat amorphous and tasteless. Without liquid, Turkey would choke you. Sure, turkey has a different consistency than your favorite beach but all in all, both share the same texture qualities. Dryness able to kill. You want proof that turkey is too dry to eat on its own? Gravy. Enough said.

2. Asleep in the Gravy

Have you ever wanted to fall asleep face first in a bowl of gravy? No, you haven’t. Well, with turkey, falling asleep in a bowl of warm gravy is fully possible. Some people blame it on the tryptophan and some people blame it on Thanksgiving over eating. Whatever the case, having too much turkey will make you sleepier than this cute sleepy puppy:


Puppy is Sleepy

Point in case, turkey just make you want to sit at the table, loosen your belt and fall asleep cuddled up with your favorite pillow. Eating too much turkey stinks. Everyone knows that.

3. Candy Yams? Yes please.

They say everything is relative. This holds true with turkey. One of the reasons turkey is so terrible is because of what you can instantly compare it to spread out all over the table. Stuffing? So much better than turkey. Stuffing with sausage, onion, garlic etc? So so so much better than turkey. Cranberry sauce? Amazing. Kills turkey. Candy Yams? Candy Marshmallow Yams? Are you kidding us? If you think turkey is better than candy marshmellow yams something is wrong with you.

4. Pumpkin and Apple Pie

We can’t speak to your interests but we here at Solar VPS, we are dessert people. If it were allowed and beneficial for the body, we would live in rich chocolate cakes and sweet tasting pies. The last reason why turkey is so awful is because we know, at the end of the meal, tasty Apple and Pumpkin Pie awaits. Honestly, who wants to suffer through the dry blandness of turkey to get to the wonderful deliciousness of pies. No one does. No one does.


So, we are sorry Mr. Sandler. We do not love to eat turkey.

Read the original blog entry...

More Stories By Solar VPS

Solar VPS lives the Parallels "Optimized Computing" vision. It has created a virtual infrastructure from client offerings, data facilities and management offices. Solar VPS works very closely with Parallels to provide the highest possible service and support to customers.